In 1956 my mom, Margaret Mary Mahowald, had a son. It was the summer between her junior and senior years at Graveraet High School in Marquette, MI. Mom was from a Catholic family and her status as a pregnant teen was a source of shame and humiliation to her family. Apparently it was so traumatic that her family never even acknowledged it among themselves. Mom's little sister, Dottie, heard through the grapevine that Margo was preggers. When she sought confirmation from their brother David about the rumor, he told her she was never to mention it again, and that was that! Furtive plans were made and 16 year old Margo was shuttled off to parts unknown (maybe Ishpeming?) to give birth. My guess is that she went to a Catholic home for unwed mothers to deliver. Her son was given up for adoption and Margo was back in time to graduate with the class of 1957.
Margo married William West in 1957 and together they had 3 kids. Bill was born in 1958, I came along in 1960, and my sister Beth in 1964. Margo and Bill divorced somewhere around 1969. Margo's second husband was Jim Nowak. Jim adopted the 3 of us kids and then he and mom had one more, my little brother Dusty. Margo died in 1992, ostensibly the mother of four, taking her secret to her grave.
Fast forward to 2004. My sister is visiting Dottie in Seattle. Dottie is the last living sibling. I guess she finally felt safe revealing the truth, so Beth is the first to learn that we have another sibling somewhere. Beth's call to me changed my reality and gave coherence to my lived experience.
Learning in my mid-40s that I had a half sibling was a jarring and somewhat surreal experience. I simply could not believe that our mother kept this from us. I saw my parents are fairly liberal. We weren't raised as Catholics and my parents hadn't imposed Catholic mores on us. Who else did she keep it from? Did her first husband (my father) know? He was dead as well by this point so we'd never know. Did my stepfather know? He idolized my mother. If he didn't know and we shared it with him would he shoot the messengers for tarnishing her memory?
Beth and I shared the news with our brothers immediately. They were only mildly interested, and quite frankly would have probably preferred not to know. But Beth and I were excited by the news. We had always felt shortchanged by our childhood. While our mom had stayed home, cooked meals, kept house, etc. she had never been engaged with us in the way we saw other mothers to be, and in the way I have been with my children all of their lives. We had never felt like anyone's 'precious little girls' or 'pride and joy.' Learning this family secret helped us to begin to understand our mom in a new way. Reading Ann Fessler's book took me further on the journey of understanding and brought me some peace.
Today, I'm 50 years old and my little sister Beth is dead. Beth died in Jan. of urachal adenocarcinoma. She was by best friend and confidante. She was a constant in my life. I miss her every single day. Before she died I had hoped to bring her some closure and locate mom's firstborn. We checked a bunch of registries and signed up as seekers where it made sense. I tried applying to one of the reality shows that finds lost relatives. So far, nothing.
So I'm turning to the social network to see if we can track down my brother together. My goal is to make contact before the end of this summer.
At this point all I know is he was born in the summer of 1956 to Margaret Mary Mahowald (dob - 11/5/39), somewhere in Michigan, and probably in the Upper Penninsula. I don't know the name of the baby's father. If he's alive he would be 54 or 55. As I get more info I'll post it here. Please pass along links to this page to anyone and everyone. The more people who see this the more likely someone will have that one piece of information that will connect us. The clock is ticking!
